Soon, Then

Julie & Tom

2012-01-17T11:11:00.000-08:00

Even if Julie wasn't my sister and best friend, even if Tom weren't the kind of guy you welcome into your family with open arms, this is the kind of couple that you just want to celebrate having found each other. When you are around them you can see just why Tom loves Julie and Julie loves Tom. It's not hard to love them too when the day is full of laughing, playing like kids and picking out vintage finds at the shop down the street.

It's going to be a fun wedding this summer!

Post Christmas at the Ranch

2012-01-03T14:44:00.000-08:00

When it rained we were immersed in reading, opening more Christmas gifts, introducing great-grandparents to the wonders of Skype, groaning at Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (bossanova, dude!), and hot baths.

When the sun came out we touched velvety noses, listened to the whinnying and clippity clop we'd only really heard in movies, caught glimpses of rainbows and glinty droplets.

It was even worth the hours and hours in the car with fidgety small ones, the horrors of Jack in the Box (I know, I know - I am fast food illiterate), the nights of interrupted sleep and the morning where I had to go hours before I got any coffee in my system.

Solstice Celebration

2011-12-27T13:59:00.000-08:00

On the solstice we gathered with Addison's school community to celebrate the returning of the light. Children are amazing. It was pretty powerful to see the intention and creativity pouring from these small people. They wrote and performed a play for us, made glowing lanterns, wrote their wishes for the new year, sang carols and gave handmade ornaments to strangers. At the end of the night, we wrote our grievances for the year and watched them go up in smoke.

Happy Christmas!

2011-12-24T07:27:00.000-08:00

May these Christmas days bring smiles to your face and peace in your heart.

dark, dry December

2011-12-16T14:30:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd share a little more from the vineyard. It's been wonderful to have an unusually beautiful December without the usual onslaught of rain, hasn't it?

looking over barrel fence

2011-12-14T21:40:00.000-08:00

After a long day of epic waterslides, checking out WWII fighter planes, a not-quite-lunch consisting of nachos, pizza, cookies and slushees, powering through naptime, and narrowly avoiding a swim diaper disaster, the only logical thing to do on the long drive home is stop for a little taste of wine country. Pinot Noir, I heart you.

Waiting for Santa

2011-12-14T11:16:00.000-08:00

A Do-ing December

2011-12-06T14:47:00.001-08:00

Every year I say I'm going to keep my Christmas gifts simple. Handmade. I say I won't let myself get stressed out about buying useless things people don't need, since no one in my family really needs anything at all. Each year it is a struggle to let it go, but each year I give in to myself a little more and stop worrying what people think. Will Christmas be a disappointment to everyone if I don't buy a bunch of STUFF? The answer, as much as America would like you and me to believe otherwise, is no.

Since we're not out shopping and making ourselves crazy, our family is finally having time this year to do a real advent calendar -- something I've been wanting to do for a few years.

Each day we do something Christmas-y, fun, together, productive, festive. Sometimes its as simple as cutting the kids' toast into little snowmen shapes. On Friday, we went to Storybook Lane, a very sweet, old-fashioned, magical holiday destination without any of the commercialism and donned with the very best Santa you'll find in Portland. It captured just what I'm looking for this season.

Giving thanks for....

2011-11-23T16:46:00.001-08:00

...the view out my office window, and the opportunity every day to do what I love and make my own choices about my career. I love have the freedom to find my own path.

...the view behind me at my office - my partner, my business consultant, my mentor, my husband, my best friend: Ben. Love you, love.

...my two sweet growing children. It is a wonderful honor to be your mother, and you both amaze me with your sensitivity and senses of humor, and keen observations about the world. My life is better with you both in it.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Colors of a Good November

2011-11-21T21:28:00.001-08:00

The C Family

2011-11-10T20:22:00.001-08:00

Thank you, C family, for being so adorable and fun! I'd happily spend any sunny autumn afternoon with these ham-it-up children and watch them run race after race, take jumping breaks, blow millions of bubbles, and him take that big 6 year-old arm and wrap it around his little sister.

hiding out

2011-11-09T13:59:00.000-08:00

on Mt. Tabor

2011-11-08T13:34:00.000-08:00

pulled...

2011-11-08T13:28:00.000-08:00

...in all directions.

A Journal of November 3, 2011: In Pictures

2011-11-04T11:52:00.000-07:00

I'm 2 but I'll never admit it.

2011-11-03T12:02:00.000-07:00

Drew is going through a phase where nothing is ever quite right in her little 2-year-old world. She whines that she's hungry while she's still eating. If we're going to the park she wants to be home. If it's a school day, she wants to be in "gymnastics cwass". Last night, she said her knee hurt and though there were no bumps, bruises or scrapes, nothing would do but a band-aid.

So I did what any mommy does who just wants their child to feel better, I put on a band-aid. These things have magical powers, I tell you. The second I put it on, she felt better.... for about 3 seconds. Then she ripped it off and put it on the other knee.

first wedding: Angie & Jason

2011-11-03T11:54:00.000-07:00

Angie and Jason first met in preschool, but they don't remember. They know this because they are in their class picture together. They grew up in the same small town and when they grew up and moved away, they even lived blocks from one another more on more than one occasion. Life tried over and over to help bring these two into each other's lives. Finally, in August, they came together in marriage -- beautifully!

It was a true pleasure to be a part of their day and see the love this new family shares!

foot bath

2011-11-02T22:20:00.001-07:00

foot bath, a photo by Briana Cerezo (soon, then) on Flickr.

Ben and I have discovered the best way to prevent late night arguments when we crawl into bed at the end of a very cold day.

The kids like to join in, too.

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T21:36:00.000-07:00

Hide & Seek

2011-10-29T13:29:00.000-07:00

I've been hiding out for quite some time now! Life has been up and down, inside out and normal, crazy, then quiet. I've taken millions of photos, then put the camera away for months. I'd like to be back here again, sharing more bits of the roller coaster of my life!

Rainy Spring

2011-05-10T21:11:00.000-07:00

It's definitely spring here in Portland! The sun comes out in all its warm, sunshiney glory and then ten minutes later it is pouring down buckets.

The same has been happening in my family's personal life. Fantastic opportunities spring up, small pleasures abound and ----whsssssshhhhhhip -- they frequently get swept away. Life changes quickly and dramatically.

We're in the midst of a figurative rainstorm currently, so I thought I'd post some picture of the downpour we had a couple of days ago while I try to remind myself that it takes both sun and rain for growth to happen.

resemblance

2011-03-30T11:34:00.000-07:00

I think I figure out why I loved photographing this woman so much.

She reminded me so much of the famous photograph Annie Leibowitz took of her mother, Marilyn Leibowitz.

I'm reading Annie Leibowitz At Work right now, and it is so inspiring to read about all her learning process, her mistakes, her triumphs, and how she achieved her shots. This photo of her mother is her favorite.

the workshop

2011-03-29T10:22:00.000-07:00

I went to an all day photography workshop yesterday, and it was fabulous! It was just what I needed since, I confess, I have never quite known how to use my DSLR to the best of its ability. I have always tended to keep things in automatic mode with minor adjustments here and there for white balance or things like that. I've always known it wasn't enough.

I walked away from yesterday's workshop with so much more knowledge! Super exciting!! The photos I took aren't super inspiring, but they do demonstrate the camera's abilities. We did tons of mini assignments to play with the ISO, aperture, shutter speed, light metering and flash exposure compensation. I admit I didn't even have a solid understanding of what most of that meant until I took the workshop.

Here are some of the shots I took to demonstrate different techniques.

freezing motion in suspended raindrops:

metering the light and adjusting the shutter speed to capture things in the intended light:

Playing with the aperture to capture depth of field:

Panning with a slow shutter speed to capture moving object in motion:

Metering the light to capture accurate or flattering skin tones:

And lastly, my personal favorites from the day:

I learned so much! I look forward to putting my new knowledge into practice in the coming weeks!

thoughts on a Saturday afternoon

2011-03-26T14:53:00.001-07:00

I love taking photos. There is no question about that part.

I also love getting feedback about my photos. Its fun to hear people's thoughts about a particular photo or set.

The problem is, I never know which of my photos to post, and under what format -- Flickr, blog, facebook, something else? It sort of drives me crazy.

What are your thoughts? What is your process when you bring home a new set of images, either a developed roll of film, or a new batch of digital files to import? How do you decide what to share and how do you?

About The 31 Project

2011-03-15T14:03:00.000-07:00

I'm a little late on this post, but still excited to talk about how fun this project was for me!

From the perspective of someone who had a desk job for 6 years doing something I found boring, and taking care of two small children during the non-working hours, just getting out into the world is sometimes more eye-opening than I'd really like to admit. I get really excited... look at all the people out here... and they're DOING stuff!!!

So silly. So true.

It was great to take it to the next level and talk to them. Make them real. Connect.

We've been trained from early childhood that we shouldn't talk to strangers. They are scary and they might do something bad to us. This project helped me see past that and stop being afraid of the people I share this city with.

Each person I approached initially had that skeptical, imposed-on look, but quickly softened when I told them it was my birthday and asked them for some good advice. Those that were not in a hurry to be somewhere ended up talking to me for a while after they'd answered my question. People love to talk about themselves and the things they've learned about life. I feel privileged to have heard what they had to say.

The 31 Project

2011-03-10T18:29:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my 31st birthday.

On a whim, I decided to tackle a photography project. I asked 31 strangers to give me advice for my next year and asked to take their picture.

Here are a few from the bunch.

"Never trust Craigslist."
- Thomas

"If you don't protect what you've got, you'll lose it."
- David

"Take advantage of everything. Do it! No regrets! You will be lots of people in your life. Don't ever get too complacent."
- Donna

"Trust in God. Clean house. Help others."
- Bo

You can find all the photos from the project here.

I'll be back tomorrow to talk a bit about the project and my thoughts about it. Hope you enjoy it!

It's that time of year

2011-03-02T20:18:00.000-08:00

It's almost my birthday. A birthday that, if I hadn't already promised myself I would never waste time fussing about my age, I might have a small freak out about. But, whatever.

I'll be 31 next week, and It's exciting! Why? Because I know my thirties are going to continue to be about finding out about me. Doing what I love. Making things happen for myself.

Today I took a stroll through the grounds of one of Portland's Ashrams. I've come here a number of times for yoga classes, and I always stop and admire the beautiful grounds, but always forget my camera. I did that again yesterday, and though I practically ran through to get out of the pouring rain, the beauty still caught my eye--rain dripping off of statues and moss -- raindrops in puddles on the brick paths -- bright daffodils peeking out of the soggy ground. It's everything that signifies that winter is ending and spring is beginning. I love that my birthday falls at this little magical time of year before everything blooms.

I'm glad I went back today to capture it to share with you.

Stills on Mississippi

2011-02-12T13:52:00.000-08:00

Here are some of the still shots from my excursion the other day. I love to document the little things I see when I'm out and about -- things that others may have missed or maybe just overlooked.

Have a great weekend!

First Street Photography Experience

2011-02-09T11:17:00.000-08:00

It's amazing the power inspiration can have.

I've been sitting idle on my photography goals for a while now. I've been taking pictures, but I haven't been taking the risks I need to become a better photographer. It's easy to stay home and take photos of my own kids, or take pictures of inanimate objects. There isn't any fear involved for me in capturing those images. But more often than not, its boring.

Recognizing my need to be inspired and get a firm kick in the pants to get off my duff, I picked up some books from the library. I wasn't very intentional about the books I got. I just picked up what was available on the shelves at my tiny neighborhood library. Coincidentally, the three books I chose are all about women photographers. I'm really enjoying reading about the rebellious Berenice Abbott. While her photographs themselves aren't particularly inspiring to me, her spirit and her way of doing things her own way is fantastic. She didn't follow trends. She went against the grain. She took risks.

It's helpful to see that I'm not alone in being afraid to have people see me in action. Says Abbott, "I was shy about setting up my camera in NewYork. The first time I tried it I packed up and went home. But I knew I had to do it and I made myself come back." People made fun of her, with her short hair and slacks in the 1920s, but she learned to ignore them.

This is the spirit and energy with which I approached my photography yesterday. I just got out there and did it.

I warmed myself up by taking some self portraits in a conspicuous place with people walking behind me.

Then I dove in, learning quickly which angles and techniques would work best to stay unnoticed, helping me to capture people uninhibited.

It felt amazing to be out doing what I've wanted to do for so long. My photos aren't anything groundbreaking, but that wasn't the objective yesterday. It was to take risks and get comfortable. And since I was feeling good, I went ahead to the next step.

A man was in his backyard and there were puppies everywhere. I stopped to take a few photos and then I called to the man and asked if I could take a picture of him with his dogs. He said yes, came over, opened the gate and let me in. Just like that! It was so easy and he was so friendly, I found myself at ease.

He isn't a breeder. Just a man with two dogs that had puppies. He's lived here for 20 years and seen the neighborhood change dramatically during that time. He buys his dog food in bulk at WinCo and mixes it with hamburger and those puppies come running. He's going to keep one puppy and give the rest away, or sell them, or however it plays out. His name is Charles.

This was a good day.

Update: Tomorrow I'll post the still shots from this session.

an unremarkable blog post

2011-01-13T13:32:00.000-08:00

That is all this is.

I don't have anything fancy to say. But I just need to pop in and share how HAPPY I am!

I am closer to living my dream life than ever.
I love the newfound freedom I have.
I love my children and watching them grow and learn and do the cutest, sweetest things!
I love seeing my husband experience the joy and satisfaction that comes from career success!
I love the dear friends and family I have acquired in this lifetime.
I truly enjoy being 30 and seeing my peers living their dreams and making things happen for themselves.
I love working in an environment where everyone is pursuing what they are truly passionate about and inspired by. It inspires me!
I love the feeling of ownership I have over my own life. I feel empowered!

Oh life, you are beautiful!

xoxo,

Briana

the sunlight peeks in

2011-01-10T13:27:00.000-08:00

I bravely took some photos of myself while the sun broke in today.
And I'll bravely say that I feel pretty.

I didn't always feel this way, but I'm happy to be happy!

make life happen

2011-01-03T14:14:00.001-08:00

Sometimes my heart aches when I know I need to do something creative, or at least something expressive (is there a difference?). And sometimes I facebook through this feeling, or look at the pretty things on someone else's blog that they made or photographed or did. And this simultaneously inspires and depresses me. Because I need to stop being an observer and start being a do-er. And this, more or less, is a goal of mine.

If anyone out there has ever wondered why I named this blog Soon, Then, I have an answer. When I began it years ago, the things I blogged about were either things I hoped I would have the time to do *soon*, or were reflections on things that had happened *then*. I'm hoping to move past the *soon* frame of mind and turn it into a *now* reality.

Wish me luck and cheer me on! :)

Happy New Year!

Five Senses Friday

2010-12-10T13:28:00.000-08:00

1. Listening to beautiful remixes of Feist's best songs

2. Eating nibbles of sugar cookie dough

3. The scent of two of my favorite Pacifica candles burning

4. The increasingly familiar weight of my camera in my hands

5. Sparkly snow falling in my little snow globe and wishing it would make an appearance outside.

exercising the camera

2010-12-08T15:58:00.000-08:00

It was a fun first day working with Ben. Perfect, really. It's refreshing to interact with my husband in a fun, relaxed work setting as opposed to corralling small children, cleaning house or going to parties where we usually talk to other people.

And, when I got antsy with the office work, I took a quick stroll around the new neighborhood for some inspiration.
I love my new life!

returning to me

2010-12-07T18:04:00.001-08:00

I quit my job! WIthout going into details, it's something I've wanted to do for a long time. While there were a number of fantastic things about my job (including the people), I was never able to get myself to feel really passionate about my work. I tried to focus on the positive aspects of my job, but after six years, our family has finally made the decision to have me come home. Well, mostly.

My husband started his own business in July, and thing have been going swimmingly! He loves the work he does (he's an interactive designer) and he's damn good at it, from what his clients say. Things have gotten busy recently, so I'm going to help with some of the office work. It's exciting to be doing something new, and directly helping our family business grow!

For now, I'm also home quite a bit. Today is the first day I would have normally been at work, but instead was home with my 17-month old daughter. I'm realizing just how little time I've had in recent months to do anything that is really a Briana activity -- cooking, taking photo walks, organizing and beautifying my home, spending intentional time with my children, etc.

Today, I was able to make these Spiced Apple Muffins, which turned out great! They have huge apple slices in them, and a crumbly streusel kind of topping. Yum!

I also made a big pan of roasted gold potatoes, carrots and onions with some herbs that miraculously are still growing in my garden despite the cold temperatures.

It was nice, though I admit I did feel a bit stir-crazy by the end of the day since all Drew wanted to do was read the same books over and over and over! I think some baby art classes or swimming lessons are in order.

Happy December!

2010-12-03T12:59:00.000-08:00

my privileged view

2010-11-23T19:51:00.000-08:00

Conversation with Addison 1 month before he turns 5

2010-11-14T20:22:00.001-08:00

Tonight Addison and I were driving along one of our old commutes to his first preschool. We were talking about our old house and his old school, and then he let out a big sigh. I asked, "What's the matter, Bubs?"

"Oh, I just feel sad."

"Why? Are you thinking about old times?"

"Yeah," his voice slid down as he spoke, "That was all the way back in 2009. And 2009 will never happen again."

I smiled. "You're right, Addison. You don't get to go backward. Only forward."

Addison sighed again. "Everything just keeps changing all the time."

"I know buddy. That's life, I guess. Time keeps moving forward, and things keep changing. But I like being here with you right now. And that's fun, huh?"

"Yeah."

growing pains

2010-10-31T12:53:00.000-07:00

"...the more we dwell upon ourselves, the more insecure we become." - Eknath Easwaran

Our egos are our own worst enemies. The way we perceive ourselves. The way we think others perceive us and the things we do to improve the image we display. I'm embarrassed to say that I have spent a great deal of energy in my life pouring myself into the mold of "me" that I think others want to see and to be around. It is a pursuit that has no finish line. No prize. There are fleeting moments that feel exhilarating; moments that hold the satisfaction of receiving the positive attention that I had sought out. But this way of defining who I am is exhausting and robs me of the true joy that I can experience if I turn my attention inward.

I have a lot of work to do. I thought I had already fought this battle with myself a number of years ago and moved on. Life is a lot of work when we choose to grow. But, life is even more work when we choose not to.

beautiful music

2010-10-29T14:22:00.000-07:00

summer gone, but you can daydream about it here...

little-big thoughts

2010-10-28T20:23:00.000-07:00

At least two years ago, I made practicing gratitude my New Year's Resolution. I made fits and starts of it, but at least two years later, I can't say that I have mastered the art of expressing my thanks to the people and the everything-ness that bring blessings into my life. I'm stil working on that.

Piece by piece, busy-ness has found a way to encroach upon my Life. It's sort of strange how it happened. How one week I was making all my meals from scratch and gardening and doing projects with my children and around the house, and making playdates and pursuing hobbies and having phone conversations with my girlfriends, and suddenly, just a few short months later I found myself unable to find time to breathe.

I was eating my breakfast in the car or at my desk, or not at all. I was making dinner out of boxes. My children were clearly not getting enough mom and dad time. I would stay up later just to squeeze in an hour of "relaxation" after the dishes and laundry were done and the lunches had been made, only to wake up more tired the next morning than I was before. The guilt of putting my family off and the stress of putting my own needs off was suffocating.

It's so easy to lose ourselves!
I'm happy to say I took notice, and was able to take some steps back and reclaim a bit of myself and my time. Time to refocus on what is most important in my life! My family, my health, my friends, my joy.

I'm thankful for the clarity of mind to be able to recognize when my life needs a tune-up. I'm thankful for my parents who shaped me to be this way. I'm thankful for my husband, who supports my growth faithfully. I'm thankful for my friends, who love me even when I am off track and at my emotional worst. And, I am thankful for my children, who are there to greet me with smiles and laughter every day, regardless of my imperfections.

visiting the past

2010-10-11T21:45:00.000-07:00

I recently received my husband's awesome "old" macbook with a 500G hardrive. Normally I don't care at all for the technical things with computers and technology, but the massive storage size of this new-to-me computer has allowed me to hold ALL of our music and photos on the computer. They were on an external hard drive before and largely inaccessible.

I bring this all up because since it is now all on one machine that I can use at my leisure, I have been perusing old photos and music files that I haven't seen or heard in ages. Its like reading an old diary, though less intense.

Here is an oldie from my personal soundtrack a lifetime ago.

And a newly discovered musical interest.

What songs do you love from your past and present?

duality

2010-09-19T20:52:00.000-07:00

I took a break. I've been living more life than I thought could fit into the space I've been allotted in this lifetime. I've been happier than I can ever remember. I don't recognize myself, which leaves me ungrounded. I'm exhausted.

My sweet husband bought me the camera I've been wanting for years for our anniversary this year. I really really love it. I've been taking some fun pictures. So I'll probably be back here more again, if you'll have me. :)

#4

2010-03-31T13:59:00.000-07:00

Best. Fun. Ever.

Cross it off the list!

baby loves

2010-03-18T14:25:00.000-07:00

Tonight is my first overnight away from Drew.

It's funny, because I didn't even realize this until last night, so on the one hand, it doesn't feel like a super duper huge big deal... Plus, we've been done nursing for about two months now (not my choice or hers, but that's the way it goes) and she sleeps through the night. So, the logistics are easy.

In other words, she won't miss me much. In her world, I will only be gone a couple of her waking hours. I guess I'm just going to miss her. I mean, how can you not miss waking up to this face?

Sweet baby of mine, I love you!

A Great Birthday!

2010-03-10T08:00:00.000-08:00

Wonderful pieces of my day:

That moment when I woke up, normal, and had the little, silent aha moment of "It's my birthday!"
I was the first one out of bed, if only by a few seconds.
Addison came out of his room, pillow in hand, and he said, "This is my birthday present to you, mama! We can keep it in between our rooms." Melt.
Ben made me french toast for breakfast.
A million and one birthday wishes on facebook!
The quiet of a coffee shop. I got to read part of the newspaper, do as much of the crossword puzzle as I felt like, and write a blog post.
A man at the coffee shop came in with his white fluffy shitzu-type dog wearing a periwinkle sweater. He proceeded to show us his dog's tricks. The man would say a number and the dog would bark that number of times! Impressive!
Couple of bites of a cheddar bacon biscuit.
Discovering the absolute best antique shop I've ever been to, and finding a number of things I wanted. And, for once in my life, letting myself not worry about money and buying every single one of the things I wanted. Awesome.

Cup of lavender chamomile tea.
Pulled pork sandwich at Bunk Sandwiches. (cross #1 off the list!)

Quiet lunch with my husband and sister.
Stumbled upon crazy 24-hour House of Elvis art thing...

Another Portland photo booth. (progress on #5!)

A vegan cupcake made by my sister and served on a china plate!

Cup of hibiscus ginger tea.
Dr. Mario, pinball, Frogger, and racing games.
Cargo.

A simple dinner and a Tigger movie for Addison for an overall easy evening.
Letting Drew eat food (mushy baby food) with her fingers and make a big mess.

Birthday cards from special people.
Phone call from my dad.
Living room dance party, and birthday ice cream with Addison and Ben.
Quiet evening.
Cup of relaxing tea.
Going to bed early.

30 things to do before I'm 31

2010-03-09T08:45:00.000-08:00

Dang, sorry I left that last post up for so long while I have been running around like a crazy madwoman dealing with my busy life. Let's get on with some more fun things. Like me. And my birthday! It's a "big" one today and I'm excited to enter into the next decade!

I feel like playing the "list" game again this year, so here goes!

30 Things to Do Before I Turn 31

Eat at Bunk Sandwiches
Refinish a piece of furniture
Try at least 5 different food carts around Portland - (3 to go!)
Take my son on a carnival ride
Finish my tour of Portland's photo booths
Plant poppies in my garden
Take class where I learn something new
Be able to do 100 situps in a row
Be able to do 25 pushups in a row
Enjoy an overnight, out-of-town, kid-free date with my husband
Make my own pickles
Find the right shade of red lipstick
Wear red lipstick with a red dress out on the town
Take a trip to the Goodwill Bins (I stole this one from Andrea)
Take at least one roll of pictures with a film camera
Put a clothesline in my backyard
Send gifts to my nephews for their birthdays (I have been a very terrible auntie)
Make a sandcastle
Try panna cotta
Hire a babysitter that is not a friend or family member
Stretch in the morning - doing it!
Volunteer for something that is not work-related
Sketch
Teach someone how to process cook
Ride my bike in nature
Have a staring contest at a party
Build a real horseshoe pit in our backyard
Beat my husband at Mario Kart
Have Dim Sum
Read 5 books on my to-read list

Hooray! Let's get started.... I have the whole day ahead of me!

a lot of thinking

2010-02-17T20:29:00.001-08:00

Being an adult is sometimes strange. By that I mean, well, a lot of things I guess.

It surprises me sometimes that I am still learning. Not facts, per se, but learning pieces of wisdom. Or even, opening a new room in my brain, my emotional self, my soul, that I hadn't even explored. There are whole possibilities to my life that I haven't even spent time delving into before. It boggles the mind and to be quite honest, takes up a lot of mental space during a day when I am supposed to be getting other things done. Like, ahem, work.

Lately, the topics of death and mortality have been creeping into my brainspace. The reality of it all. The inevitability that someone has to go first: either the people I care for, or me, myself. One of us will have to go through the other's death (unless an asteroid hits my house or some freak accident happens where more than one person is involved). It's not a super fun topic, but it's real.

I've never had anyone close to me die. Two of my grandparents passed away before I ever knew them. When I was in high school, my 4th grade teacher died and my choir sang at his funeral. It was the first funeral I'd ever attended. Two Decembers ago, my grandpa died and I went to that funeral. I have some childhood memories of him, but I never really knew him either. The hardest part of going to his funeral was watching my dad (who wasn't really close to grandpa either) grieve for his own father and knowing that someday I will have to witness the death of my parents.

I recently read The Ghost Map-- a strange book choice for me. It is about the cholera outbreak that happened in London in the mid 1800s, and touches on urban planning, microbial biology, epidemiology, the history of science, and other subjects that are far out of my usual scope of thought. I found it fascinating and grotesque. The night after I read the chapter describing the first victim in that outbreak, an infant, and the sickening details of how people die from the water-borne disease, I had an extreme case of the heebie-jeebies. Those people had no idea what was happening to them, and once they got sick, they died very quickly. I felt vulnerable. I was scared of losing my children. I was scared to drink the glass of water by my bed.

The thought of losing a dear one has always given me pause. How would I react? Is there any way to prepare myself for it?

In the first few years of knowing Ben, I was so afraid of losing him. Not because he would break up with me or leave me for someone else, but because I was afraid he would die. It frightened me.

I hadn't given the idea much thought for years, until yesterday. I stumbled upon the blog of someone I know in real life. The mother of two of Addison's school friends. She and her sweet boy-girl twins came to Addison's birthday party and I have chatted with her briefly at preschool potlucks. In passing, I had wondered why I never saw the kids' dad, but obviously it was none of my business. I quickly got sucked into her blog. Her husband died when the twins were very young. And somehow she manages through her grief.

It has given me a lot to think about. The ways my life would be different if Ben were suddenly gone. The un-fun things I would have to handle on my own. The logistics. And oh, how I would miss Ben terribly. I would miss his corny jokes and loving touches, his daily receipts and coins around the house in piles from his pockets, his flirty gestures and cooking biscuits and bacon and whipping up terrible homemade cocktails.

I don't know how to end this post. There is no proverbial ribbon to wrap this up and make anybody who has suffered a loss feel better. I wish there was.

I guess I better get off the computer and go snuggle with my husband.

Good night!

Valentine's Day: Weekend in Review

2010-02-15T20:55:00.000-08:00

It was a lovely weekend, by all counts. I am appreciating the weekends even more right now while I'm working extra hours for a few weeks. I look forward to having my quiet Mondays back, but for now, I am squeezing in as fun good family time and taking care of me time as I can!

Addison had a Valentine's Day party at school on Saturday, which was fun because it gave me a reason to dress Drew up like a living Valentine!

Isn't she sweet?

I was proud of Addison, too because he truly made all 30 of his Valentine's for his friends by hand. I didn't get a picture of them, but I made a heart out of Elmer's Glue and he sprinkled the glitter on each one. He also wrote his name and his friend's names on about 8 or 9 of them and I did the rest. Not bad for a 4-year old! Then he helped me choose a lollipop for each one and tape it on. Hooray for handmade! It was a bit of work, bu mostly a lot of fun. I was proud of myself for letting glitter get all over the place and not worrying about it too much.

On Sunday, Ben and I got lucky. Addison went to his first "dropoff" birthday party for his best friend, and my mom was in town and watched Drew for a couple of hours. We were freeeeeee!

Now let me just say, we get our fair share of dates. We are lucky enough to have wonderful family members in town who are frequently willing to take the kids so we can go out when one of our friends has a birthday or, well, just because. But these types of things are usually at night when we are already exhausted from the day, and our destinations are usually to group functions and certainly all planned out.

This-- this was different. We had no plans, and it was gorgeous outside and it was broad daylight. I came up with a quick plan: to make it to as many photo booths in Portland that we could in the 2 hours we had. Game on!

First stop was the obvious choice: The Ace Hotel

We got our photos in a jiffy and headed to House of Vintage on Hawthorne.

We had a little fun browsing around, too. ;)

We were running out of time, so we decided to check out some of the Portland Food Carts we never get a chance to try. We sampled some deliciousness from this Creperie, and devoured them in minutes.

Mine was smoked salmon, cream cheese, lemon and arugula. Ben's was baked eggs, mushrooms, gruyere and spinach. To die for, really.

It was an amazing couple of hours. Long overdue. And because we only hit two of the places on our photobooth list? Means we have another date coming up soon.

How was your Valentine's Day?

homemade baby food

2010-02-10T22:01:00.000-08:00

I do a lot of cooking, and I really enjoy the whole process! I love food blogs, cooking magazines, figuring out how to make a meal out of the random things in my kitchen that need to be used up, etc....but there isn't a meal I can think of that has brought me as much satisfaction as making my own baby food.

I love it! Like thrifting, or getting something for a great bargain, I guess it feels a little bit like cheating! I came super close to buying a 24-pack of jarred organic baby food at Costco tonight, but I'm so glad I changed my mind. Instead, I bought huge bags of carrots, pears and plums to make for Drew at a fraction of the cost!

I drove home put the kids to bed, and got busy making carrots, peas, potatoes and sweet potatoes. I'll save the pears, plums and some apples for another day. Its so fun!

Drew has never tasted jarred baby food. Everything she's had to eat, besides some packaged rice biscuits and the recent switch from breastmilk to formula, I have made myself. The ironic thing is, Addison ate only jarred baby foods. I think I tried to make sweet potatoes for him once, he hated it, and I never bothered to try again! What can I say, motherhood was a whole different ballgame for me then.

If you've never tried to make your own, I highly recommend it! If you can steam veggies and fruits and have a blender or a food processor, you can make it in a snap! There are lots of great websites that tell you how to make different things and what foods to introduce at which ages. Just google "homemade baby food" lots of options will pop up.

Happy cooking!

A very cool giveaway!

2010-02-09T10:06:00.000-08:00

Simplemom is one of my favorite blogs for sound parenting advice, reminders for being a good partner, and all the REAL things in life. I really enjoy the posts.

I also really enjoy the giveaways!

This one is particularly of interest to me, because one of the items is a fantastic necklace from One Pearl. Each gorgeous necklace has a standalone pearl that symbolizes one child's life changed from the purchase of the jewelry.

This resonates so well for me because I work for a nonprofit that also works to change children's lives one child at a time. It's a wonderful way to make a difference in the world!

*updated: Okay, I thought I was excited before, but now I'm really excited because there are even more giveaways on Simple Bites, Simple Homeschool, Simple Kids, and Simple Organic. How fun is that???

here now

2010-02-03T08:46:00.000-08:00

I'm really missing being here lately.

I come to my blog a lot as a jumping off point to looking at some of my other favorite blogs out there. And I watch the dates from my last *real* posts get further and further into the past. I often have thoughts of writing a quick post, but then I push it to the back of my mind because I don't want to come back halfway and then abandon it for a while all over again.

But I don't care anymore. I will blog as I'm able and maybe it won't be everything I want it to be in an ideal world, but at least I'll be being authentic, and that is enough for a blog or any other part of my life!

I'm not going to try and list out all the things that have happened in the past 5 or so months, because playing catch up doesn't help me be in the now.

I do, however, want to have a purpose for this blog, so I know how it fits into my life, and why I keep it at all. My hope is that if I remember why I do it, I won't have such a dry spell again.

This blog is a wonderful account of some of the daily happenings in my family's life together. Without some of my blog posts, I wouldn't remember some of the delicious moments we have enjoyed together.

This blog inspires me to be an artist. It reminds me to have a photographer's eye behind my point-and-shoot camera, and encourages me to document the little ways I fit creativity into my life so I don't forget that that part of me does exist.

This blog gives me a space to talk about me-- uninterrupted. This is a luxury that is hard to come by in the life of a working mother with two small children.

So hello to anyone still out there reading! If I'm writing to the hollow corners of the internet, then so be it. This blog still serves its purpose for me. But if you are there, I'd love to hear from you! It's always fun to know if someone is stopping by as part of their day so I can give you a virtual hello!

Thanks for having me back. It feels good to be here.

pretty necklace

2009-11-19T13:22:00.000-08:00

I love blog giveaways, and this one is no exception!

Head over to simplemom to win a $50 gift certificate to Lisa Leonard Designs!

Her jewelry is gorgeous for yourself or would be an awesome holiday gift!

bzzzzzzy

2009-11-11T20:31:00.001-08:00

I have things to say, thoughts to think
and no time to mark them up in ink!

I hope to be back with a real post soon! Two kids and work is time consuming....who knew!

Happy 4 month birthday, Drew!

2009-10-24T14:01:00.001-07:00

Drew,

At 4 months you giggle, blow bubbles, talk and coo, suck your thumb, put your own self to sleep, cram everything into your mouth, drool like crazy, take a bottle like a champ and sometimes sleep for 9 hour stretches at night!

Your brother absolutely adores you and kisses you and thinks you are the sweetest thing. We all do.

Thank you for coming to us. I have enjoyed every day with you and I hope you don't grow up too fast.

Love,
mommy

I heart fall

2009-10-11T10:57:00.000-07:00

late for breakfast

2009-10-11T10:53:00.000-07:00

I tried all week to post a picture of my breakfast for Abby's breakfast week...
Better late than never I guess!

A new favorite shirt

2009-10-09T09:38:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited to share this little project with you. It wasn't hard, or super original, but it made my little guy super happy! And that is enough satisfaction for me.

Addison has been ridiculously obsessed with the United States lately, and anything about geography, really. He learned the 50 states and their capitals from the Anim aniacs song, (as well as the nations of the world!) The first thing he runs to when he gets up in the morning is one of his many states puzzles, where he comes up with all sorts of games to play with the states pieces, or makes them talk to each other or just sings the songs he knows.

So, I made him a shirt I knew he would love.

And he does!

I just traced the outline of the states from one of his books, cut it out, traced that onto some jersey fabric of his choice, cut it out, and sewed it on! Jersey is great because it won't fray when you wash it.

Its great because I can make shirts for him for whatever he's into at the time and its an instant favorite!

busy bug

2009-10-01T10:42:00.001-07:00

I'm wishing I had time for a real post.

But hopefully this picture of my little bug will make you smile!

Autumn came a few days early

2009-09-19T12:32:00.000-07:00

The rain came yesterday in Portland, which leaves me a bit conflicted and confused about the seasons.

This has been a strange summer by my measures. It began pregnant, on bedrest, and with countless hours spent wondering what to do with my time before my baby girl arrived.

Two days into the summer, she came to us.

I hardly recognize that girl now.

Now, after buying a house, packing, moving and unpacking, doing some finishing house projects and cleaning up the messy backyard that came with the house, heading back to work, caring for 2 kids and a husband, and all the day-to-day routines that comprise my days (and nights too!), I seem to to have missed the summer days that August and September brought my way.

In my mind, it has been autumn for the past three weeks. I was shocked every time I wandered out of the house in jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt to find it was 85 or 90 degrees.

Even though I missed berry picking, camping, tanning, swimming in a lake, and many other summer adventures this year, I guess I've been a little bit ready for the season to change and I didn't even know it.

So I was pretty excited when Addison asked to get out his umbrella out of the closet and wanted to wear his new boots to go for a little walk in the rain.

Autumn, here we come!

Back to it!

2009-09-16T12:38:00.000-07:00

Hello!

I'm back! Back to work, back to a little normalcy, and hopefully back to blogging.

Life is good.

We're all moved in to our new house (insert shriek of joy!) and really enjoying it all. It's really everything I wanted in a house for us, including a fully fenced backyard (that needs lots of work, but we'll get to it), a quiet dead end road with friendly neighbors and kids, new construction on the inside, a master bath, a family room, and little things like lots of outlets and a built-in dishwasher.

We are blessed and happy.

I can't believe we're now on the other side of all the changes I had anticipated for so long!

New baby girl

New house

Addison's goodbye to one preschool and hello to another

and of course, my return to work.

It's all gone pretty smoothly, and I'm looking forward to getting back to the new normal!

How are all you doing, my fine readers?

still finding time to smile

2009-08-18T12:44:00.000-07:00

Yes, we are!

Withdraw with Drew (and the rest of the crew)

2009-08-12T14:07:00.000-07:00

I'm going to take a bit of a break from blogging.

Life is really getting busy around here. Of course, of course, we have a new baby. That's all well and good, and as expected, she and her older brother are keeping us busy round the clock.

But, to add fuel to the fire, we are also trying to close on our first home at the end of August and if it all goes as planned, we'll be moving in September... which will coincide with my return to work....which will also coincide with my son starting a new preschool.

All of this is leaving me bobbing up and down a bit, gasping for bits of air, and hoping it will all turn out alright.

I may pop in every now in then, but I really try to keep this a place to share the pleasantries of my life, and not a place to blow off steam.

So, until I'm feeling more grounded, I think I'll just sign off.

Wishing you peace and fun and joy in these last dog days of summer....

homemade salsa

2009-08-04T12:58:00.000-07:00

I love fresh salsa. I'll buy it if I have to, but never NEVER the kind that you find unrefrigerated, sitting in a jar, all dark red colored and tomat0 saucey tasting. Ew. That stuff isn't REAL salsa.

My college roommate, Joe, used to make huge quantities of homemade salsa, and we would devour it all before it could even be put away in the fridge for later. He lives in South Korea now and when he came to visit a few months ago, one of the first things on his agenda was to make this salsa! (He had a hard time getting the ingredients over there)

So here's how to make the best salsa at home... and for cheap! If you have any of the ingredients in your garden - even better!!! I had an onion and some jalapenos for mine.

Joe's Homemade Salsa

1 14 oz can Italian style stewed tomatoes (yes, I actually prefer canned over fresh. It gives it better flavor), drained (retain just a little liquid) and chopped
1/4 cup sweet onion, minced
1-2 jalapenos (depending on how hot they are and how hot you like your salsa)
a handful of fresh cilantro, chopped

Combine all the ingredients, and serve with tortilla chips or serve with your favorite burritos, tacos, quesadillas, eggs, salads... anything!

This recipe makes enough to fit perfectly in an empty salsa container from the store.

You might want to make a double or triple batch, because this stuff disappears fast!

saving beauty

2009-08-04T11:43:00.000-07:00

I noticed that my neighbors trimmed the flowers from their dill plant when I saw them in our shared yard debris container. Seemed like a good idea, so I followed suit with my own plant, hoping to encourage it to keep producing its tasty leaves.

But it seemed a waste to toss those pretty flowers out, so I brought them in and put them in a vase on my dining table, which now smells a bit like dill pickles. It only makes sense really. Wouldn't you rather smell fresh herbs while you eat than perfumey lilies or roses?

Today

2009-07-30T13:20:00.000-07:00

I borrowed this great little meme post from Benita over at Chez Larsson

Today...

Outside my window... scorching heat at 97 degrees, but believe it or not, this is relief from the past few days of triple-digit weather.

I am thinking... about all the birthdays I get to celebrate at this time of year.

I am thankful for... children who nap at the same time.

From the kitchen... cookies and cream ice cream.... mmm my favorite, though not helping with my efforts to lose the post-partum belly.

I am wearing... a brown gaucho skirt from Target, and vintage-style brown tee.

I am creating... nothing right at the moment, but I have a few ideas up my sleeve if I can ever find the time.

I am going... to take a nap... if I ever get off the computer!

I'm reading... lots of blogs, Parents magazine, and Dreams From My Father by Barack Obama

I am hoping... our offer is accepted on the house we want!

I am hearing... the whirrrrrr of the a/c and the silence of a house with sleeping children.

Around the house... my cats are sprawled out, stretching as much as possible, trying to stay cool

One of my favorite things... knowing my maternity leave isn't quite half over.

A few plans for the rest of the week... heading to my dad's house for a weekend barbecue to celebrate the his 60th birthday, and my sister's boyfriend's 29th!

A picture to share...

Happy 60th Birthday Dad!

2009-07-29T12:33:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe you're 60, dad. After all, you can still do back flips, haul river rock around your yard for a solid afternoon, sleep directly on the ground in nothing but a sleeping bag, and wail on the trumpet like nobody's business!

I love you!

trip to Anthropologie

2009-07-29T12:18:00.001-07:00

I've been trying hard to beat the heat here in Portland, as we are experiencing multiple days in 100+ degree weather. The house is pretty miserable, and we've been living in the basement all together at night. During the day, Drew and I head out anywhere where we can stay entertained and cool. In some ways, its kind of nice because it has given me an excuse to do some of the window shopping I love, but am usually to busy to get to.

Yesterday, we took a little trip to Anthropologie, which is a fun place to take pictures. I didn't even look at the clothes. Why torture myself when I am still trying to get my waist back? But that's ok, there was plenty to look at over in the housewares.

I would love to have a kitchen comprised of dishes purchased here. I mean, aren't these just the most gorgeous drinking glasses you've ever seen?

Sadly, I cannot afford the steep price of $12 apiece.

Most of all, I've been wanting one of these botanical coffee table books for a long time. I keep scanning thrift stores in the hopes tht someday I'd get lucky and find one used, but I think that might just be too much to ask of the thrifting gods...
Maybe for Christmas this year? (ahem....hint, hint to my family readers!)

Cartoon Carrots

2009-07-28T16:08:00.000-07:00

My carrots look like they're straight out of Rabbit's garden in Winnie the Pooh, don't you think?

Trying to get a decent family photo

2009-07-28T14:29:00.000-07:00

Oh well.

Summer garden into Sunday dinner

2009-07-27T10:52:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to keep up with this blog, I really am.

The weekend was a good lesson in how wonderful and difficult it can be juggling two children. Saturday was a total mess of a day, filled with toddler tantrums, baby crying followed by ungodly amounts of spit-up (how is it possible that ALL THAT came out of her?!?), and parental meltdowns. It was not pretty.

Sunday fully redeemed itself with long naps, quality time with each of my little munchkins, alone time, and a fantastic dinner straight from our garden in its' prime.

First I chopped all of these delicious items (walla walla sweet onion, sungold cherry tomatoes, and lemon cucumber) and tossed them in a bowl with feta. This has quickly turned into my favorite summer salad.

Next, I browned sweet Italian sausage from Trader Joe's, added more walla wallas, yellow pattypan squash,

red bell peppers (not from our garden) and fresh basil and simmered it all and served it on top of some cute stripey bowtie pasta my mother-in-law brought us from her trip to Italy.

Sprinkled some freshly grated parmesan on top and it was divine!

I could eat like this every day. I love meals with lots and lots of fresh vegetables, and a little protein on top of some type of pasta, grain or bread. A bottle of Viognier made the perfect finish, and this mama was feeling happy and satisfied!

Sweet children make life nice too....

a bit of this and that

2009-07-17T12:09:00.001-07:00

You might have guessed by by absence that she is no longer sleeping all day long... though I'm not sure how so many days went by without me posting or even reading other blogs!

But, we've certainly been keeping busy. Not just with night wakings and diapers and chasing a toddler around, but with outdoor summer concerts in the park,

teaching Addison to bowl,

visiting with family and friends of all ages (that's my grandma. Isn't she beautiful? She'll be 84 in a couple of weeks. I hope I inherited her beauty genes!),

and enjoying family time together, both semi-structured

and somewhat chaotic.

I'm hoping tp be back more regularly soon!

...because she sleeps. all. day.

2009-07-06T17:18:00.000-07:00

We picked cherries this weekend in the orchards surrounding my dad's house in Hood River. When cherries are free, and you can pick them by the handful, its easy to come home with 10, 20, 30 pounds of cherries.

So, I did the smart thing and bought a cherry pitter (same one the chicken's got. You can see her cute girls using it on a video here.) and have spent the better part of the last 24 hours pitting and freezing cherries and making a cobbler.

After all, what else is a mother to do when the baby sleeps all day?

4th of July - Here we come!

2009-07-02T13:00:00.000-07:00

With 2 days to go before Drew's real due date - the 4th - I couldn't be happier that she came to us early. For one, she is a joy and I can't imagine my life for the past 9 days any differently than with her in it.

But I'm also quite excited, because her earlier arrival means we'll get to go to my all-time favorite place in the world to spend the 4th of July - my hometown, Hood River. I feel like my 4th of July experiences growing up were sort of iconic and about as all-American as you can get...in a really great sort of way.

My memories of the day include waking up and heading to an early breakfast put on by the Mormon church I grew up in. We would all gather in the parking lot and sing patriotic hymns like God Bless America and America the Beautiful while the Cub Scouts raised the flag and a trumpeter (often my dad or my brother) played Taps. Then we'd all head inside for a buffet of eggs, pancakes, fruit, etc with all the people in our church community.

Next, we'd head to one of the main streets in Hood River and find a good spot to watch one of the best small town parades I've ever seen. People cheer for all the runners on the last stretch of their 5K (a number of whom you inevitably know personally), and children flood the streets to pick up Brach's candy and bubblegum while fire engines, local 4-H groups, and spruced up old-timey cars roll by.

The parade ends at Jackson Park, where for several years my dad played trumpet in one of the bands performing. People barbecued and picnicked, and kids threw water balloons and ate shaved ice to keep cool in the scorching heat.

By this time, we'd head back to my mom's house to regroup and have some down time, while the sounds of the little league playoffs were audible from the field across the street. "Next up to bat: Timmy. On Deck: Jeremy!" Please return all foul balls to the concession stand for a free snow cone!"

For dinner, we'd barbecue at home or at our family friend's house, then head to the Marina looking over the Columbia River for a spectacular fireworks show launched from the Washington State river bank, where all the big ones are legal.

Sigh-------

There are some things that shift and change so much from childhood to adulthood that they become unrecognizable. Like my childhood home that was bulldozed a few years ago--where an empty lot now sits waiting for something new.

But the 4th of July in Hood River remains mostly unchanged. The small town parade, the barbecue at a family friend's place, and the fireworks show... the sights and sounds and smells are all still accessible to me, and it gives me a sense of comfort and stability in my life that I think is rare in a time when our culture and surroundings change rapidly.

4th of July, here I come-- this time with my own children's memories in the making.

bliss

2009-06-28T15:14:00.000-07:00

With the arrival of my daughter, I feel as though a white eyelet curtain has drawn closed in a circle around my little family and I am so happily swallowed up in the now we are living in.

Sure, there are lots of other things going on in the world. But none of it seems to matter when you look down and find this in your arms....

I did it!

2009-06-25T19:20:00.000-07:00

Small and mighty, miss Drew Alexandria joined our family on Tuesday, June 23rd weighing in at 5 pounds, 15 ounces.

My labor was fast, and ended dramatically when she made a speedy entrance into the world, surprising all the nurses and causing my midwife to nearly miss the whole thing (this happened when Addison was born too).

We're home now and all is going swimmingly! She's a peaceful baby, and I'm so full of joy, I can hardly contain myself....

My mom's friend writes limericks for fun for such special occasions and I thought I'd share this one with you!

There once was a baby named Drew,
Who thought that her birth was past due.
So out she came, early,
More girly than burly,
And made all her peeps feel brand new!

xoxo

ready for her

2009-06-22T22:22:00.000-07:00

My bags are packed, the house is clean, the nursery is set up, an extra meal has been cooked and stored in the fridge, groceries have been purchased, the plants have been watered, and I'm showered and as rested as I can be.

Time to have this baby. We will leave as a family of three tomorrow and return a family of four.

Wish me luck!

2009-06-18T11:47:00.000-07:00

This week has been a strange one.

I received a call from my midwife while I was a work last Wednesday, letting me know that she was faxing over a letter to my supervisor that I was to stop working and go home and rest. My baby looks healthy, but she is a small one, and they are being cautious. And, we will be welcoming her into the world a little early...

I did my best to wrap things up at work over the next hour, cleaned out my desk, and drove home in kind of a daze. What just happened?

I picked up Addison from school and we went out for ice cream. I was prepared to give him this big mom-to-son talk about how things had changed, how his baby sister would come early, and how I wasn't going to be working anymore, and would just be resting. In my head, I carefully crafted sentences and vocabulary that he would be able to understand and wouldn't be alarming. Well, I must have done a good job, because I was surprised that he didn't have any questions. Basically, it went like this:
"Ok, mom. Can I have a bite of your ice cream? Wanna try mine?"

And that was that.

The rest of the week has been easy on my body and spirit, and my family and friends have been extremely supportive, bringing food, flowers, magazines, helping out with Addison, and doing some light cleaning. Its the transition time I didn't even know I needed, but it has given me a chance to fill up on "me" time before I give so much of myself over to this new little girl.

It has been an emotional week too, with much time to stew over the coming changes and obsess over the things I hope will or won't happen, but mostly its been fun and relaxing.

Last night Ben and I went on what is very likely the last date night to be had in some time. We enjoyed a relaxed and romantic dinner at a cute, authentic feeling italian restaurant called Lorenzo's.

My black linguini with scallops and shrimp was delicious, but things really got interesting when I started having regular contractions for about an hour (Ben, of course, had to time them all on his ipod Touch). We started getting excited and realized how quickly our lives could change at any moment...

But the contractions subsided and we headed to see Away We Go.

What a perfect movie for us to see. Not only was it hilarious, but is was a very sweet story about love, and finding what you need among what you already have. Go see it!

Now its a new day, and I'm doing my best to appreciate each moment as it is. I don't know how to end this post, except to say, I hope you're enjoying the now, today, too!

9 months ago I was here and I want to go again....NOW

2009-06-16T20:24:00.000-07:00

I think I might make it my personal mission to invent a machine that transports pregnant women who are on bedrest to an all-inclusive Mexican resort with king-size beds, huge pools, round-the-clock gourmet buffets and all-night room service.

It just seems like the fair thing to do, no?

waiting for my real life to begin

2009-06-11T20:38:00.000-07:00

I'd never heard this song by Colin Hay until today.

It makes a beautiful soundtrack while on bedrest and waiting for the arrival of a baby girl.

honesty

2009-06-07T10:54:00.001-07:00

When I had Addison 3 1/2 years ago, I was 25. Not terribly young to be starting a family, but by far the first of any of my friends or family to have a baby. Addison was born in the dead of winter, days before Christmas, and to be honest, my entry into motherhood was a painfully traumatic transition in my life. Like many mothers, I was overwhelmed by my new responsibilities. The night wakings were difficult for me, and I literally did not sleep for more than 3 hours at a time for the first 7 months of Addison's life. I spent my maternity leave feeling isolated due to the wintry weather, my inability to drive (I won't get into it here, but I did not obtain my driver's license until I was 26), and, primarily, the reality that most of my friends were busy starting their careers, working 40 hour work-weeks, and staying out late at bars on the weekends. I spent most of my days on leave at home, alone, counting the hours until my husband would be home from work. I really tried to keep a positive attitude during this time, but the loneliness and responsibilities were frequently more than I could handle emotionally.

I'm happy to say that this darker period in my life has passed. With one month to go until my baby girl arrives, I am excited to do things differently this time. Much has changed. I drive. I know the fun places to go with babies and small children in tow. Most importantly, we now have a large community of supportive friends who also have children. And, I'm excited to have a summer baby and enjoy much of my maternity leave enjoying the outdoors during the best months Oregon has to offer.

I still have little anxious moments that it will be too hard. That I won't be able to handle all the change and newness and responsibility. But those moments are fleeting, and I do my best to let them pass me by.

I truly want to enjoy every little moment of having this new baby girl. I'm really ready for all that life will bring me over the next few months. Ready and armed with a smile and open arms.

surprising growth

2009-06-05T13:35:00.000-07:00

My plants are going crazy!!!
It was just last week that I showed you how everything was growing nicely. For example, here were my yellow patti pan squash and lemon cucumbers one week ago:

They must be loving the heat, because check them out this morning!

I'm shocked! We even have some little thumb-sized squash hiding among the larger-than-life leaves. I think we may be harvesting soon!

I'm also honored to share my son's very first drawing of "mommy" and that's daddy next to me (with the hair).

This took me by such surprise! When we draw at home, it is all numbers and letters, all the time, and I had never seen him really attempt to draw people, so when I found these in the pile of art projects brought home from school, I literally had tears streaming down my face and gave Addison the biggest hugs. There's nothing quite like seeing your own portrait through the eyes of your first child.

He even mocked one up of himself...

which, you've got to give him credit... is pretty accurate!

I love you, my bubs.

garden morning

2009-05-29T06:45:00.000-07:00

I woke up really early this morning...one of the curses and luxuries of being 8 months pregnant, I suppose. I took the opportunity to photograph our growing garden in the morning sunlight.

Remember how we started from this?

Here's our garden box in the flesh. We made a few minor adjustments, though its essentially the same.

Everything is growing quite nicely, with a few peapods on the vine, tomato and pepper blossoms popping out,

tiny strawberries ripening, and carrot, beet, chard, and few unknown veggies sprouting (I think they're cucumbers that sprouted from the compost we mixed in).

We've also got potatoes,

shallots, onions, yellow patti-pan squash, lemon cucumbers,

and lots of herbs. Yum... I can't wait.

They're pretty too.

Other highlights outside include Addison's numbers drawn neatly from 1 - 20 (directly on the house, but hey, this is one of those battles that has not been chosen),

and our one sunflower that sporuted and survived the transplant from indoor seeding.

Its going to be a fun summer close to home!

Season of changes

2009-05-27T11:26:00.000-07:00

I'm kind of up to my ears, people.

The good news is, we had the luxury of, count 'em, 4 nights and nearly 5 days with no children in the house, which allowed us to tackle a number of things on our overwhelming to-do list as we prepare for huge life changes.

We finished up the final pieces of Addison's new big boy room, and we are pretty happy with the way it all turned out. Its nice to have most of the toys contained in his own room instead of being strewn about the house. He seems pretty happy with it too!

We also got our child care situation squared away for the fall (after much toil and hard work by us, and un-professionalism on the part of the school we were originally trying to work with). And, we got rid of furniture we weren't using, set up the nursery in our ginormous bedroom, cleaned, cleaned, cleaned, and even had time to relax!

It's nice to know that if this baby made her appearance tomorrow, we'd be ready for her.

There are still a gazillion things left to do, because we're also beginning the process of possibly buying our first house in the fall (I know right? Pile it on!!!) But, if we don't, we are perfectly happy with the many other changes that are coming right around the corner.

my idea, your idea

2009-05-21T09:46:00.000-07:00

Like many people, I have some good ideas. Most of them have never been carried out... at least not by me. They sit in the back of my brain and I visit them every once in a while, thinking...that would be cool to do! But then its my son's bedtime, or the floor needs to be swept, and I am transported back to reality, where time for projects is sometimes scarce.

Here's one of my ideas: taking pictures of the inside of various people's refrigerators as a window into their daily lives. There is something extremely personal about this seemingly insignificant, but very telling part of our homes. It can tell you not only what a person eats, but can also lend insight into their values, priorities, lifestyle, and habits. I had really wanted to do this, but was never quite sure how to get myself in the situation where I would be taking a photograph of some stranger's open refrigerator. How does one start that conversation?

Well, somebody figured it out:

More here.

Good job, Mark Menjivar, you did what I could not.

A day to celebrate!

2009-05-20T13:22:00.001-07:00

No, its not my birthday, an anniversary, my son did not reach any huge developmental milestone today, and on the surface, all appears to be normal around here.

But just between us....ahem... WE HAVE NO MORE CREDIT CARD DEBT!!!!

Yeeha!

Wahoo!

Hooray!!!!!

We have worked extremely hard and deliberated extensively over personal finance decisions and made sacrifices to get to this point. And, we've had a lot of help from some key family members who have given much of their time to help us do what we needed to do.

I just want to say to anyone who is facing a lot of debt, and feeling overwhelmed by it all, that it CAN be overcome! There are some fantastic web tools and personal finance blogs that offer services and approachable, easy to understand advice to help you get on your feet.

One of the best things we ever did was to set up a personal budgeting account with Mint.com and I can't say enough about how great it is to have all my expenditures funneled into this secure website where I can categorize each purchase by "groceries" and "clothing" and "auto payment" and "childcare" etc, etc. It has been a HUGE eye opener over the past year or so that we've been using it. We know exactly how much money we have left to spend on groceries for the month, if we've been out to eat too many times, and its easy to see which bills we still need to pay. Try it! You won't be sorry. (And no, no one is paying me to say all this).

Once you do all this, you may "find" money that you can re-purpose toward paying off your debts. Perhaps you had no idea you were spending $800 on groceries for your family of 3. Maybe you can cut your budget down for clothing by 10%, 25% or more.

There are a million blogs to check out with great money-saving tips and smart ways to think about how you use your money. Check out a whole list of them here.

Now, I'm off to work hard just a little more... celebrating will come with the long weekend ahead!

a wee poem

2009-05-14T11:52:00.000-07:00

Of all the flowers east and west

I love ranunculas the best.

at our house

2009-05-13T09:50:00.001-07:00

Although the laptop is still broken (fixed, then wiggin out some more, so back to the shop it went), I FINALLY was able to get some of the pictures off of my camera. You have no idea how itchy I was getting about it!

We've been busy over at the Soon,Then household, trying to get all the to-dos done before our baby girl arrives in about 6 weeks! We've got a few more big things to do, but we've really accomplished a lot!

We finished planting the garden, and are enjoying watching the little carrots and chard sprout up from seed, and the peas grasping to the bamboo trellis. We've also planted golden beets, walla walla onions, shallots, pole beans, lemon cucumbers, yellow patti pan squash, brandywine tomatoes, sungold cherry tomatoes, red potatoes, bell peppers, jalapenos, strawberries, and a variety of herbs.

I am so looking forward to the summer. Addison is entirely absorbed in writing his numbers on every flat surface outside with sidewalk chalk, and this can occupy him for a good deal of time while we work in the yard.

We've been having fun drawing our favorite foods, flowers, and people, too. He also loves to help me water the plants and is showing interest in climbing trees, watching worms and bugs, picking flowers (sometimes not ones I want picked!) and of course, sampling all the herbs. All I need now is a big comfy lounge chair back there so I can nurse and nap in the shade, or just watch Addison wear himself out on lazy afternoons.

Inside the house, we've been in a buying, selling, moving and repurposing furniture frenzy. We got an IKEA Expedit for Addison's room in an effort to contain most of his toys in his own room. Addison helped Ben build it with his little squeaky toy hammer.

The shelf looks great, and he loved helping me "redecorate" his room. He ran around putting toys and books just where he thought they should go. I'm so glad he's taking all the changes around the house quite well and enjoying it all. I can only hope he continues to be so positive when his baby sister arrives!

I'm in the pretty uncomfortable last legs of this pregnancy, with about 6 - 8 weeks to go! It sounds like forever, and so soon at the same time... But for now, I am still enjoying mostly restful nights of sleep, being able to do projects around the house, cook meals, spend uninterrupted time with Addison, and I plan to get at least two more dates in with my husband before she comes!

Here's to being in the now....

Just for kicks...I wanted to see if I could post from an itouch but it won't let me type anything except here in the title. Oh well.

2009-05-08T12:24:00.000-07:00

little airplant

2009-05-05T12:59:00.000-07:00

I won this cute little airplant a couple of weeks ago on Alyson's blog, Unruly Things. I was so amazingly happy... I never win anything!

This was especially fun for me because I have memories of airplants from my mother's house when I was a child. Carefully placed in seashells in the kitchen window, with a little spray bottle nearby. I'm so happy to have this one in my home!

Thanks Alyson!

growing

2009-04-28T08:43:00.001-07:00

Our laptop isn't working... doh! This is such a bummer on a number of levels, one being that I can't get the pictures off of my camera to upload and share with you. I really hate blogging without pictures, and I sort of hate using others' pictures just to pretty it up around here... It feels like cheating.

So, I guess the best thing to do while I wait for the computer to be back in good working order is to post some oldies. That's sort of fun too.

One year ago....

It had just gotten warm enough for a spontaneous trip to Jamison Square for some splashing.

And my little boy had just learned how to feed himself his own soup.

Two years ago...

It had just gotten warm enough for Addison and I to enjoy our first picnic together on the waterfront.

And I was just starting to pay attention to my own photography...

Oh how wonderful it is that each year brings many of the same things so we can see how we've grown....

Blessed and Dreaming

2009-04-21T09:52:00.000-07:00

Part of our nightly routine with Addison is that each of us takes a turn to read a bedtime story before lights out (his little 3-year old self included). Last night I read Mercer Mayer's "When I Get Bigger", which led into a great after-story conversation.

"What do you want to do when you get bigger, Addison?"

"I'll drive all by myself and I'll make dinner for you."

"Really?"

*hugs*

"You know what I want to do when I get bigger? Paint furniture." (I want to refinish and restore old cabinets and dressers into unique pieces like these and these and these)

*pause*

"You can do that now, Mommy."

I can't help but smile. *more hugs*

Soon, buddy.... soon.

weekend of sun

2009-04-20T09:05:00.000-07:00

Wow. Some sunshine in my life goes a long way toward making me a happy girl.

This weekend felt like a different world. Partly because of the sun and all that it brings out of this city and the people in it who all patiently (or impatiently) waited out the long, grey winter... Barbecues, shorts and short sleeves, mowed lawns and gardening, drinking cold drinks and playing games on the lawn, cats stretched out in windowsills, children riding bikes, frisbees...

Plus, the return of old friends from days when there was less responsibility in our lives, when we spent entire days lazing about together, being silly and talking about nearly nothing important, playing video games late into the night...

And then there are the things that are new in our lives, that combined with the old, just make everything the way its supposed to be, and oh-so-right... precocious, beautiful children, talk about our careers and the things we're experiencing in our diverse lives... and of course, you know you've all grown up a little when the side dishes at your potluck grow up past bags of chips and store-made potato salad into green beans dressed in a white balsamic vinaigrette, strawberry-mango crisp, grilled salmon, and other delectable morsels.

Oh spring, disguised as summer, you have been a blessing this weekend.

garden plot

2009-04-14T08:42:00.000-07:00

We spent a good portion of the last two weekends building a raised bed out of cinder blocks in our backyard, filling it with dirt, and planning out what we want to grow. It's really exciting, since all we've had room to grow in the past has been a couple of tomato plants and some herbs. I can't wait to try growing peas, carrots, zucchini, two kinds of onions, shallots, garlic, peppers and greens. Yum!

Of course, when you're married to a graphic designer who loves his job, designing the garden plot becomes a whole new ballgame.

I present to you, our garden plot masterpiece!

He cracks me up. Every time we have moved into a new apartment or done some serious rearranging, he busts out the illustrator files and plots everything out down to the last quarter of an inch. It both drives me crazy, and I love him for it.

2009-04-14T08:28:00.000-07:00

This was posted over at beauty that moves. Its such an important topic that I wanted to share it too.

we made butter

2009-04-13T13:16:00.000-07:00

We joined the ranks of bloggers who made homemade butter a couple weeks ago... This phenomenon seemed to sweep the blog world like wildfire!

here,
here, and
here... just to name a few.

updated: and here! and here! got any more for me?

I was eager to try this myself since it seemed so easy, and somehow, almost magical. How does it turn yellow all by itself? Amazing!

The butter was amazing, though sadly, turned out to be more than we could eat before it went bad. If I do this again I will probably make half as much, or be much more diligent about "washing" the butter so it lasts longer.

But it was quite fun. We used the old fashioned shake-it-up-in-a-mason-jar method, which left my husband's and my arms nicely tired. I think Addison was a little weirded out by the whole thing, but he gave it a good shake or two in the end.

I used the buttermilk to make blueberry muffins (I have been craving anything with hot, plump, juicy fruit in it for weeks now) which was the perfect place to place a dollop of creamy butter and devour.

If you still haven't tried this, I do recommend it.

enjoying the now

2009-04-10T12:02:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the support about the child care situation, everyone. It was a rough day between awaiting news on the school (which hasn't been solidified yet, but is looking promising) and anxiously anticipating an ultrasound to see if our little baby girl is doing alright. I'm so happy and relieved to say, she looks perfect!

Because I can't help myself, here's a picture of her little lips, nose and chin. (look at it sideways)

I'm amazed at how much more detailed the ultrasounds are, even compared with those we had 3 1/2 years ago!

I'm really looking forward to meeting this new little one, but also enjoying now as much as I can. I realize that the days I have one-on-one with Addison are numbered precious. I expect as much as I will embrace the new family dynamic of there being four of us, I will miss the undivided attention I'm able to devote to Addison right now.

So, when I have the chance, I'm trying to pour my energy into our quality time. We took a trip to the library a few weeks ago, which is something we do frequently, but this time I wanted it to be a lesson in using the library to find out about anything you want to know about. Addison chose books on cars, clocks, and stop signs. And, he chose a cookbook dedicated to making all kinds of cookies. (of course!)

We checked out our books, chose a recipe for Chocolate Cat Cookies and went to the grocery store to purchase the ingredients we were missing at the house. We brought them home and got right to work.

I have to admit, they weren't the tastiest cookies I've ever had, but seemed to satiate our sweet tooths and went down easily with a cold glass of milk. Plus, they were just the right kind of cookies to make with a toddler that loves to help.

He loved making the ears, putting the chocolate candies on and using the fork tines to make whiskers. We snuck a couple of dogs, an owl and some other unnamed creatures in there too. :)

Oh, these good times...

a different kind of labor

2009-04-08T21:17:00.000-07:00

Of all the things that a parent goes through.... pregnancy, labor, sleepless nights, tantrums and more, I had no idea that finding good child care would be such a drain on my energy.

First, I should mention that our family is super fortunate and blessed to have one of Addison's grandmothers, my mother-in-law, Cheryle, living close by and always willing to help out whenever she can. She was his sole care provider for the first two years of his life while I worked part time, and she continues to be available for afternoon pick-ups, sick days and the occasional scheduling snafu. This has been an amazing gift to our family in many many ways, and I have tried to always recognize how lucky we are and show appreciation, but I'm sure I still manage to take it for granted on some level.

After 6+ months of researching daycare facilities and other child care options, we finally found a school for Addison that we felt comfortable with, we could afford, and was fairly close by. He's been here for over a year, and we have been really happy with it. I was so happy we waited for the right place to come into our lives before we finally enrolled him.

Now, a little over a year later, we find ourselves in child care transition again, and the process has been difficult. Researching, open houses, tours, more research, dead-ends, filling out forms, long waitlists, exorbitant fees, turn-offs, let downs, waiting with baited breath, miscommunications, and on and on and on.... I keep thinking to myself, Why does this have to be SO hard?

I don't have answers. I wish I did. My heart goes out to all the other mothers out ther who are having similar experiences... I guarantee I'm not alone in this.

I'm just still waiting and hoping and praying that the school we've got our sight on now comes through for us so we don't have to start this exhaustive process all over again from square one.

Wish us luck.

I'm alive.....really

2009-04-06T15:06:00.000-07:00

Just distracted and busy and happy and enjoying life...
I promise I'll be back eventually, and hopefully soon. Sometimes life is just too good to stop and blog about it... But I have some great pictures from the past couple of weeks to share, so stay tuned...

xoxoxox

oh my husband

2009-03-21T13:50:00.000-07:00

I woke up from a nap this very moment, came to my computer, and my knowing, dear husband had left me a note on the screen that said "refresh your blog."

He surprised me with this lovely new banner to celebrate the first day of spring! I am such a lucky, lucky girl. :)