Sunday, October 31, 2010

growing pains

"...the more we dwell upon ourselves, the more insecure we become." - Eknath Easwaran

Our egos are our own worst enemies. The way we perceive ourselves. The way we think others perceive us and the things we do to improve the image we display. I'm embarrassed to say that I have spent a great deal of energy in my life pouring myself into the mold of "me" that I think others want to see and to be around. It is a pursuit that has no finish line. No prize. There are fleeting moments that feel exhilarating; moments that hold the satisfaction of receiving the positive attention that I had sought out. But this way of defining who I am is exhausting and robs me of the true joy that I can experience if I turn my attention inward.

I have a lot of work to do. I thought I had already fought this battle with myself a number of years ago and moved on. Life is a lot of work when we choose to grow. But, life is even more work when we choose not to.

2 comments:

erinj said...

I feel ya sister.

For some reason being the "perfect Portland mom" has stressed me to the max. I struggle everyday to let go and focus on the more important things... like my kids and having fun and less about what others think about me.

It is hard, hard battle.

erinj said...

I feel ya sister.

For some reason being the "perfect Portland mom" has stressed me to the max. I struggle everyday to let go and focus on the more important things... like my kids and having fun and less about what others think about me.

It is hard, hard battle.